stillplaying | 13th Game [video]

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13th Game [video]

[There's a bashful look on her face when she opens the journal. It's been a whole day now, a whole day since she returned from her kidnapping. Since she had discovered Prim had arrived in her absence, since she had gotten to once again spend the whole day and night in the company of her sister. It had been amazing. A dream that she had never thought possible. Prim was dead and yet... yet, for whatever reason, she had been brought here.

Perhaps she should have alerted those outside of her household that she had returned. But all she had wanted for that one day was to spend it alongside Prim. To tell her everything that had happened in the months - year - following her death. To tell her about Commander Paylor and the new government of Panem. To tell her of all those she had met here, of Peeta and Richard, Teddy and Sokka and Zevran and Rapunzel. It had been the wee hours of the night by the time she had gone to bed.

But sometime in the mid-morning, she remembers promises she had made. To the man who had helped her in learning how to get her voice back. To the boy who was now suffering from a death penalty of his own. She had promised them both a song. And it seems now like such a small price to pay to gaining not one, but two, important parts of her life back.

She ducks her head for a second, fingers playing with the buttons and beads on the handmade necklace Sokka made her. And then she clears her throat and begins to sing with a voice that, as Peeta once claimed, would silence the birds:]

As I look at the valleys down below
They are green just as far as I can see
As my memories return, oh how my heart did yearn
For you and the days that used to be
High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be

Well, I wonder if you ever think of me
Or has time erased your memory
As I listen to the breeze whisper gently through the trees
I wonder if you ever think of me

High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be
High on a mountain top, standing all alone
Wondering where the years of my life have flown
High on a mountaintop, wind blowing free
Thinking about the days that used to be

High on a mountain top
Thinking about the days that used to be
And I wonder if you ever think of me

[When she's done singing, she smiles sheepishly and shrugs.] I promised a song to a few people. I hope you enjoyed it.

[She opens her mouth a second later to say something more. And then she pauses and, for once, actually takes the time to construct a filter. To make certain that Prim cannot see what follows. Because even though Katniss' own birthday is only a few days away, she's not thinking of that day very much. It pales in comparison to a much more important day approaching at the end of the month.]

Does anyone have much experience throwing birthday parties? My sister - Prim - she's here now. And her birthday's in a few weeks. We could never afford a proper celebration growing up. I'd like to give her that. Give her everything that she couldn't have back home. [She frowns for a moment, brow wrinkling in thought.] I also need to build an addition to my house. Where'd I go about getting the material for that?

[ooc: for those interested in what the song might sound like. though this isn't exactly how i picture katniss' voice. nor does she have musical accompaniment in this post.]

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[ oh, child. he ruffles his fingers through whatever stray bits of hair were available, gently chucking a thumb under her chin. ] Nah. Thank you, lass. It's a lot less lonely havin' someone to look after, even when she does half the lookin' after herself.

[She hadn't had much choice in a long time. No one to look after since Prim died, since Peeta and Rue left Luceti. No one to look after, let alone someone to look after her. He was right. It was a lot less lonely this way.

When he placed his thumb under her chin, she smiled and looked up at him.]

It is. It's even kind of nice to look after Effie sometime. Just - don't tell her I said that, okay?

...That bloody harridan? She's worse than a drill sergeant. An' I'd know, having been one years ago.

[She started to laugh, hugging herself as she did. Effie as a drill sergeant, as one of the strict soldiers from District 13. It was absolutely impossible to imagine. Hilarious.]

She'd never last in a position like that.

[ sharpe laughed alongside the girl -- glad to do so. ] What'd drive to desertion first, eh? The lice, the drink, or the language?

[She shook her head. Effie probably wouldn't even last long enough to experience any of that. If Katniss had lacked discipline, she could only imagine Effie to be an utter failure. If it wasn't connected to her prestige, to Capitol fashions, she doubted the woman wanted much to do with it.]

The very notion of having to serve.

[ he brushes a downy pheasant feather off his sleeve. ] She seems eager to serve those damn Malnosso bastards. And the woman likes her rules. I've known men and women like her all my life -- happy to follow the law's letter so long as it curries favour with the higher-ups.

So long as it's in the comfort of her clothing and makeup and wigs.

[Because Effie was born and raised within the Capitol. Where those ridiculous clothes and costumes were considered normal. The best of everything. The food, technology, makeup and hair. At least Effie didn't have some of those augmentations others from the Capitol had. Unless you counted the wings.

But she remembered how hard it was for her prep team to adjust to life in District 13. How difficult it was for some who were even there willingly. And in the years Effie Trinket had been chaperon for Katniss' district, Katniss had heard all the complaints.]

She likes to be in the spotlight. She'll do anything to further her career. That comes first - even before the children she ushered to the slaughter. But it has to be in every comfort she's used to. If she had to live otherwise? She wouldn't last a day. Why do you think she moved in here?

[ anything to further her career. well -- he doesn't dare admit to katniss that he's found such an attitude can be profitable. of course, his lines are drawn far earlier than ushering any children to any slaughter. but back home, sharpe would do a lot to secure promotion. he certainly only rarely baulked at bringing his men into hell's belly in pursuit of his goals. the difference, he supposes, is that he marches in alongside them. and they -- bless their condemned souls -- follow him willingly.

he gives katniss a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before turning back to the bird-plucking. he needs to think a while longer on miss trinket and her survivalism. perhaps he'd underestimated her motives.

until then: ] Can't say boo 'bout makeup, but I know plenty of wig-wearers. Christ, when I were a private in the 33rd, they'd have us coat our hair with flour paste to make it all white an' then pull it back into a brutal queue. A poor man's wig.

[She made a face at that even if Sharpe couldn't see it with her back turned back to the vegetables and chopping board. That sounded highly unpleasant, much more so than anything she had had done to her hair in the Capitol. Flour paste to coat hair. Though it also made her wonder why white? Did his society place as much significance on reaching old age as those in District 12 did?

She paused in her chopping to glance at him.] Why white?

I'll be damned if I know. I'm not a fashionable man -- and we don't do that to the lads any longer. [ sharpe has no knowledge of trends or fashions or why powdered wigs assured upward mobility. all he knows is... ] The rats would nibble at the paste something awful in the night. Ugh. Was wretched, it was.

[She didn't want to imagine that. Imagine rats crawling in people's hair. She had been forced to live through some horrors in her life, but not anything like that. It sounded like it was far from an ideal situation.]

What about the women?

...The well-to-do might stuck summat else in their hair, but I haven't seen'em in the wigs. An' they don't paste their hair neither, what with them not being in the army.

[He had mentioned it before, but the idea still rankled her. No women in the army. Not that she ever had any desire to be a Peacekeeper. But she had had ever desire to fight against the Capitol. To be denied that on account of her sex still seemed like a ridiculous notion.

Had she ever asked why though? She stared at the pile of roughly chopped onions on the table. She couldn't remember if she had asked. Or, at least, if he had answered.]

Why not?

[ he clucks his tongue. in truth, there are probably a dozen reasons why it was like that. but he'd seen most of the usual ones personally debunked by his late wife. ]

We're all bloody terrified, ain't we? To let the ladies in and have them show us up. [ it was an unsatisfactory answer; he knows it. so he plucks a few more feathers and takes a deep breath and tries to do one better: ] I've thought on it a great deal since I've arrived. Obviously, the Malnosso have no qualms with recruiting women. But back home...more people die the battles we fight. [ fields littered with corpses. sharpe has personally watched dozens of men wrecked with one bouncing cannonball. ] But there are always young lads to replace'em. If your women go to war, they might die before they ever have a child. And then who would fight the next battle? And the battle after that? Once men like me are grey-haired and too old to lift their swords?

[ it's just about the only satisfactory answer he can come to. after all: ] It ain't like they can't fight. Some of'em. When they're taught how, like any of us are taught.

[While he talked, she had walked over to the cabinet to fetch a pan to place vegetables and bird in. Some of it made sense. She had remembered much the way some of the Careers had reacted to her after training scores had been given. That a girl from an outlying District obtained an 11 had seemed inconceivable to most of them.

But when he mentioned children, she frowned. She placed the pan on the counter next to her and started scooping in the onions. Women dying before ever having a child. Was that really much of a concern?]

What about the women who don't want children? [She reached for a carrot to begin to peel.] Women like me?

[ women's health: not a subject on which sharpe has much expertise. ]

...Err. I reckon there's things they -- I mean -- I know when I ain't interested in...

[ a sigh. ] Some of them join convents, I suppose. [ THERE. AN EASY ANSWER. because seriously why else would anyone become a nun, he reckons. ]

[It took her a few seconds to realize that he must have misinterpreted her question. After she had finished sputtering, her face turning red. Maybe leaving that tea out on her dresser was a bad idea. She had done it to annoy Effie, to remind her of Katniss' "relationship" with that "savage." But Prim was here now. And Richard...]

No! [Her face red, she turned so he couldn't see her blush.] No, that's not what I meant! I don't even know what a convent is!

[She took a deep breath and started cutting the carrots roughly.] It's a weak excuse. That's all. [Her voice dropped to a mumble.] There are teas. And condoms. And um, things, and... [Louder,] If they're not going to have children, why does it matter if they fight or not?

[ had sharpe been the sputtering type, he might have sputterer rather a lot. instead, he merely squares his shoulders and keeps his eyes on his work -- not daring to glance back at the girl nattering on about teas and condoms and whatever the hell this odd place provides for couples in the way of...management. ]

Truthfully -- [ he chokes out ] -- I ain't sure I'd trust all my men 'round them. It's bad enough keeping their attentions off the camp followers. Bloody distracting.

[She scowled at the response as she continued to take embarrassments and frustrations out on the carrots. In District 13, she doubted that sort of behavior would be allowed. Everything was so rigid there, so militaristic and stringent. You kept to the schedul.

And if not?

She learned the if nots all too easily.]

It doesn't sound like they're very good soldiers.

[ pride and indignation kick up in his chest. he feels his men are the best the british crown has to offer, but he knows it'll sound petulant if he simply says so.

so he tries -- clumsily -- to explain: ] They're scum, Katniss. But they're my scum, and they fight like the devil himself when I ask'em to. But half'll go doe-eyed at a pretty face if I don't keep them in line.

[She scowled at the vegetables on the cutting board. Whether or not they were scum didn't matter. Or that some would go doe-eyed at a pretty face. It was the excuse. The idea that women couldn't fight because, if she was understanding him correctly, they provided too much of a distraction for other soldiers.

It was stupid. Ridiculous.]

That problem doesn't seem to exist here.

...A lot of things don't exist here, Katniss. People here are mostly decent. I've gone a whole bloody year without seeing a single man hanged for crimes against the locals -- so, aye, a lot of things don't exist here what exist where I'm from.

[He was probably right about that. There were no Hunger Games here. People genuinely seemed to care for one another for reasons far from selfish motives. It was so unlike the world she knew in so many ways. Sometimes, she was almost a little grateful for that.]

It also doesn't exist in Panem. Men and women fought side by side in the uprising.

Uprisings are like that, love. It's all feelings an' righteousness. People have their causes and they fight better for it. It's different when you're an army fighting to reclaim someone else's soil. [ ... ] Let's put it this way: not a battle of this war has been fought in England. You look at the Spanish partisans -- Teresa's forces, eh? And they're made up of all sorts. But the British soldiers are only there to collect their pay and their rum rations and to avoid the jailer.

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