stillplaying | 12th Game [voice/action]

[There are some nights where she can't sleep. Can't fall asleep to begin with, can't stay asleep once she's there. The nightmares become too intense. She awakes crying, screaming, gasping for breath. Curled up in a ball, clutching her knees to her chest in as tight a fetal position as she can get. And alone. So very, very alone in the dark, dark room.

Those kinds of nights have grown more and more common since Peeta's departure, since her death. Even Buttercup's plaintive mewling in the night hasn't made it any better. The pain and fear doesn't fade. It lasts long, long into the morning on the nights she's unable to go back to sleep. Turns into another fitful nightmare otherwise.

In one short month, there's been a lot to think about. Too much to think about. She's been stuck here a year now. Seen various shifts and experiments. Fallen in love and then lost that love. Died. In the most recent shift, while she hadn't been forced to fall in love against her will, she had watched it happen, even observed it first hand in once case. All of it, more than anything, had made her think of Peeta.

Think and mourn until she thought that she would burst from all the heartache.

During the early morning, she awoke screaming, thrashing in her bed as her nightmares played Prim's death out for her again. Prim's death followed by that of Rue's. And Peeta's electrocution in the clock arena. How she had screamed and rushed forward, how he would have been dead if not for Finnick's quick thinking.

So, so many deaths. And all because of her.

As she moves about in the bed, screaming and crying, she knocks the journal down on the floor. Buttercup mews and she just screams again, a wordless, animal scream. Whimpering and sobbing, she does eventually come to her senses. Her body remains cocooned in the sheets as she reaches for the journal, face tear-stained and lost.

She misses him. Maybe more than that, she misses having someone to comfort her in the night when the memories get to be too much.]

Gale was right. [The words are whispered, an acknowledgment to words long past that she once overheard. It's never going to be about love for her. It'll only be about who will extend her longevity in the end. Who'll make her life easier to bear. And if Peeta's not here, how could it possibly be him?

She stares at the journal a few minutes more before clearing her voice and finally speaking, wiping away any lingering tears.]

I know that when you die here, they'll take things from you. And they'll change things during the shifts. Hijack you and alter your memories.

Can you get them to do that even outside a shift? How would you contact them? I-- I want them gone. The memories of Peeta being here. I don't want to miss him anymore, miss--

[Being in love. Being loved. But she doesn't know how to say that part aloud. She wishes for a brief moment she had kept some of that candy from the spa. The stuff that made her open up more. It'd make this all the more easier.]

Is there a magic? Please? Something, anything? I don't have much to offer, but I am a good hunter. I'll trade game and pelts. Anything you want.

I want to move on. I want to forget. And I don't know how else to do it. [Richard's advice comes to mind. She's already thrown herself in hunting, thrown herself in anything and everything she can think of to distract her. It hasn't worked. Not at all. So that leaves only the other thing he recommended: moving on.] He might never come back. I might never go back. I-- I don't want to be lonely anymore. I want to move on.

[With that, she closes the journal to go get dressed. Her hair is pulled back in a messy braid before she heads out. Not to hunt. Not today. Instead, she goes to the library. She has research to do.]

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[She sniffles a little as she reaches for the journal, Buttercup mewing again from his seat on top of it. It's not the first time the damn cat's made himself at home in her room. Since Peeta left, he's been a nightly visitor. As if watching over her during the night will keep her safe from harm, will provide him with some purpose now that Prim has left them both.

She scowls at the animal, batting one scarred arm in his direction. Buttercup hisses in response and swats at her before running to the other side of the bed. Hiding the journal isn't going to help her. Especially when she recognizes the voice coming through.]

Teddy?

Yeah, it's me.

[Coat found and slid on over pajamas, he decides not to speak up again until after he's out of his room and near the entrance to their apartment. Best not to risk it, not with this kind of subject. They might joke about it sometimes, but ever since Nate went back to his time, Billy'd never been fond of the idea of changing a memory or making someone forget about something. Teddy admires that, but that sort of thing just wouldn't be helpful right now.]

Are you at home? Or were you going to go somewhere? [It's what he does sometimes, if he can't sleep and doesn't particularly want to wake Billy up. Just get out and wander until his thoughts and memories stop colliding in his head.]

Edited 2013-03-11 21:17 (UTC)

Home.

[She stares out into the dark room, the little bit of light shining in through her windows reflecting on cat eyes. Going out somewhere seems too difficult. It means getting out of the bed, away from the flimsy safety provided by the sheet. She's too jumpy right now, anyway. The memories of all those deaths still too haunting.

She doesn't want to harm anyone. Doesn't want to kill anyone. She just wants everything as it was, with Peeta to comfort her after every nightmare.]

I'm not going out.

Okay. I'm coming over, all right? I'll be there in a few minutes.

[Because she shouldn't be alone right now. Shouldn't have to suffer through nightmares and memories, ones she wants to get rid of, alone.

Thankfully, he knew where to go, having stopped by her house a few times either to walk to or from lessons, though he never went inside. He'll fly now, figuring that walking would take too long. It'll be a little cold, having to take off his shirt and fly in the still winter air, but that won't matter much, compared to what's going on at his destination.]

[He's coming over. That means she should open the door to let him in. Close the journal and get out of the bed. There's nothing in the darkness that can harm her. If she wants, she can reach for the small knife she keeps in the drawer of the bedside table. Can wrap and pull the sheet with her, pretend that Peeta's scent really does still linger on it.

She can't remember where Teddy lives, but the town isn't very big. And she knows he's different. Not human. Not a muttation, either. But still different enough that it might not take him the same amount of time to cross the village as it would her.

Katniss finally closes the journal and stands from the bed. Much to Buttercup's annoyance, she tugs the sheet from its resting place and forces the cat to the floor. Not bothering to turn on any lights, she wraps it tightly around her shoulder and makes her way to the front door.

Once it's open, she takes a seat on the living room couch and waits.]

[It's only a moment after she opens the door that Teddy lands, slides his shirt and coat on again after shifting his second wings into his back, then heads over to the door. He figures it's open, unless Katniss expects him to break in or something, but he still knocks first, just to let her know he's there, and then pushes it open.

Dark. Of course it's dark. He squints slightly, eyes shifting just slightly to better his gaze, making it easier to see despite the darkness.]

Katniss? [It might be hard to see, but when he closes the door and takes a few steps inside, it's easy to spot her. On the couch, sheet around her shoulders, though her expression is a bit hard to see...

He goes to the couch too, eyes returning to normal before he sits, one hand on his own knee, the other sliding around to hold the shoulder furthest from him. He won't pull her to his side yet - not yet, not until he's sure she wants touch, or just to talk.]

Hey...

[At the knock, Katniss looks up. Not so much startled as momentarily confused. She knew Teddy was on his way over. He knew that she knew. Did he really think that she wouldn't open the door for him? that she'd stay hiding in the bed...

Oh. She realizes it a second later. He's being polite. Because some people around here are polite. People that were obviously not her. A girl who stays seated with the lights off even as a friend wanders about in the dark. One who stays silent and doesn't offer any sort of word of greeting. Even if it is late at night.

Somehow, he makes his way over to the couch and slings his shoulder over the couch. She hesitates for a moment, unsure of herself and the invitation, before accepting it. Pulling the sheet with her, she snuggles up against him and places her head in the crook of his arm.

She hates these nightmares. Despises them so very much.]

[Once Katniss accepts his invitation, Teddy wraps his arm further around her shoulder to keep her against his side, and he tips his head to rest his chin on top of her hair. Perhaps it's a bit too affectionate, but after the talk they had at the springs, one that came from their very souls, it's hard not to feel this close to someone. He'll back off if she tells him to, but right now, this feels like the right thing to do for them both.

He lets his thumb run in circles around her shoulder, staying quiet for a moment before he lifts his head up slightly to talk, his voice quiet.]

Nightmare?

[Do you want to talk about it?]

[It's comforting being held like this. Being held in a way she hasn't been held by anyone since those damn chocolates. She's missed this kind of human contact. And right now, can't understand at all why she's been depriving herself of this for so long.

She closes her eyes and just lets him hold her for a moment or two longer before nodding just a tiny bit. Enough to show the affirmative.]

Yeah. Again. I.. [It's harder to open up without the chocolates in her system. But she's trying. Because there's probably little more she can reveal to Teddy than she did that day.] I've always had nightmares. Since the Hunger Games. They got worse during the uprising but... while Peeta was here? They weren't so bad anymore.

[Teddy can understand. It's not like the Hunger Games, but ever since the Civil War, he'd had nightmares much like that. Fighting, death, torture, knives, cruel laughter, Billy screaming - and he, too, draws comfort from Billy being there for him at night.

He kind of wishes that he could be there for Katniss if she calls him, but he does have Billy. Billy, who also has nightmares, who'd also been given the short end of the stick regarding the war.

... Doesn't help that Teddy's a horribly heavy sleeper.]

You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to. I'm here for you if you don't... but I'll listen to everything you say if you do. I'm no Peeta, but I'm here.

12th Game [voice/action]

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