Katniss Everdeen (
stillplaying) wrote2016-03-27 10:01 pm
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preemptiveforgiveness
Her life shouldn't be so good. With all of the sins that she's committed in her life, she shouldn't be this happy. It's an odd feeling and at first, Katniss hadn't been certain what it was. Happiness on this kind of scale hadn't been a part of her life in a long time. Since before her father had died. But that fluttering in her chest that she's felt every morning for the past month hadn't been the sign of an oncoming cold but the joy she felt from waking up in Matt's arms. Almost every single morning, the steady rhythm of his heart is the first thing that she hears. His lips have been the first thing she's tasted. His face the first thing she sees.
This might not have been the second chance Matt had had in mind when he initially taken her in but it's better than any other she could ask for. Hard, tricky, terrifying, but still better than any life she let herself picture on the rare occasion Katniss thought there might be something post-Games. What had there been if she was ever let free of the Games? A life of more fighting? Prostitution? Drinking herself to an early death once she was certain that there was enough money in Prim's account to afford college? Or ODing instead. Any life after the Games wasn't going to be a life at all.
But this second chance is better than anything she could ask. Being loved so thoroughly, loving Matt in return. Waking up every morning knowing this man beside her thinks the world of her. It's given her a new kind of courage in which to face the world. She hadn't been afraid to go on subsequent dates with her. She hadn't even thought twice about kissing him in the office one evening, a couple of weeks into their new relationship. Foggy and Karen had been there but she hadn't cared. And that had been liberating. Everything about life has been liberating lately. She's even managed to last the past week at her current job no matter how much she hates waitressing.
Everything has been going well. And shortly after their first date, when she had brought up the idea of being his sidekick again, he hadn't argued. He's taken time out of his normal nightly patrols to work with her instead. Matt's idea of fighting is something much more graceful than the rough and tumble version she had picked up in the ring. It's taken her a while to unlearn a lot of what she had picked up to survive but Katniss is of the opinion that she's progressing. And tonight, when she finally succeeds in knocking Matt off his feet, she feels a sense of pride that she hasn't felt for a long time.
She falls to her knees beside him and leans over to plant a kiss on his lips. "Gotcha," she murmurs against his mouth. "Finally."
This might not have been the second chance Matt had had in mind when he initially taken her in but it's better than any other she could ask for. Hard, tricky, terrifying, but still better than any life she let herself picture on the rare occasion Katniss thought there might be something post-Games. What had there been if she was ever let free of the Games? A life of more fighting? Prostitution? Drinking herself to an early death once she was certain that there was enough money in Prim's account to afford college? Or ODing instead. Any life after the Games wasn't going to be a life at all.
But this second chance is better than anything she could ask. Being loved so thoroughly, loving Matt in return. Waking up every morning knowing this man beside her thinks the world of her. It's given her a new kind of courage in which to face the world. She hadn't been afraid to go on subsequent dates with her. She hadn't even thought twice about kissing him in the office one evening, a couple of weeks into their new relationship. Foggy and Karen had been there but she hadn't cared. And that had been liberating. Everything about life has been liberating lately. She's even managed to last the past week at her current job no matter how much she hates waitressing.
Everything has been going well. And shortly after their first date, when she had brought up the idea of being his sidekick again, he hadn't argued. He's taken time out of his normal nightly patrols to work with her instead. Matt's idea of fighting is something much more graceful than the rough and tumble version she had picked up in the ring. It's taken her a while to unlearn a lot of what she had picked up to survive but Katniss is of the opinion that she's progressing. And tonight, when she finally succeeds in knocking Matt off his feet, she feels a sense of pride that she hasn't felt for a long time.
She falls to her knees beside him and leans over to plant a kiss on his lips. "Gotcha," she murmurs against his mouth. "Finally."
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It wasn't what he had in mind, but he can't say that he's not pleased with the way it worked out. He'd intended something much more innocent, but she's taking advantage of this second chance and she's happy. That's all that he can ask for. More than that, she makes him happy. It's a facet of her second chance that he hadn't considered.
The progress Katniss has made is fantastic and he's so proud of her and the way she's come out of her shell. She's more confident and more relaxed in general. Foggy and Karen are simply glad to see Matt happy and Foggy is glad that he's got a reason to end up at home at night, a reason to fight and maybe a reason not to get the hell beat out of him.
He hadn't had much choice. She'd been persuasive and she's been persistent as well. Besides, he couldn't argue that having backup might be a good thing. She'd agreed to all of his terms and she's made good on those conditions as well. She's learned fast and she's worked hard.
He chuckles breathily against the kiss. "I think you've passed."
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After everything that she's been through, something innocent would never work. Katniss has seen how dark humanity can get. What would be the point of living a fluffy and naive life, pretending that doesn't exist? But in its own way, this relationship with Matt is innocent. She's in love with a man who loves her back and would never imagine using her the way others had done in the past. And making someone as happy as she makes him boosters her self-confidence in a way she hadn't imagined.
Matt has no idea how lucky he is to have the friends he has. But she knows. And she's grateful that both Foggy and Karen have been so accepting. She and Foggy have talked more than once about keeping Matt safe when he goes out into Hell's Kitchen at night. The love they both have for Matt Murdock has been extremely successful in giving them something to bond over.
It also gave her another ally when she mentioned her idea of going out with Matt at night. At first Foggy had been doubtful, until she and Matt actually made him watch the way her arrows kept landing near the bullseye. But while her archery abilities remain sharp, she's gotten out of shape over the past few months. Gained weight and curves she didn't have before. But she has worked hard. And his chuckle just makes the victory all the more real.
"This isn't another diversion?" she checks, stealing another kiss for no other reason than the fact she actually can. "You're not going to try to pin me on the ground and regain the upper hand?"
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Maybe it wouldn't have, but he hadn't had any intention of making her his girlfriend when he'd rescued her. He'd simply wanted a better life for her, and as long as she considers this life that he's given her better than he's been successful. It is wonderful to see her more self confident, to see her smiling and laughing. She does make him happy in a way that he'd never imagined. He's so very glad that they'd' decided to start a romantic relationship, that he didn't talk himself out of it because of her age or her circumstances.
He knows that he's lucky. He's very grateful for his friends and so utterly grateful that they've accepted Katniss the way they have. He knows that Foggy and Katniss have bonded in a special way over the Daredevil thing and he's glad that both of them have someone to talk about it with. He knows it's a hard burden to carry alone.
Yes. He hadn't been so enthused over that. He hadn't been able to deny her ability with a bow though, and neither had Foggy. Together, they'd managed to convince him that she could be safe as his backup. She's getting back in shape quickly enough with the kind of training regimen that he has her on. Besides that, he likes the curves that she's gained. It's a victory that she's earned and he wants to give her a moment to enjoy it.
She leans in to steal another kiss and he'll move as quickly and as fluidly as he can to tangle his leg with hers and flip her over onto her back where he puts his weight on top of her, "That was me taking advantage of your distraction, not a diversion," he tells her with a grin. He's wearing sweatpants and a tank top, but no sunglasses and no shoes.
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How can she not consider this life better? It's a million times better. It's been better since she left the arena a free woman. Being in this relationship just makes everything a million times better. He makes her happy in a way she didn't imagine possible. And Katniss is happy that Matt didn't talk himself out of continuing to date her because of her age or life. None of that should be important. Not when she's strong enough to handle all of it.
The first time she had spent time alone with Foggy after her date with Matt, she had felt awkward and afraid. She kept expecting him to judge her or tell her that she's just going to bring Matt down because of her past. Instead they kept talking about Matt - about the Daredevil and his risks and how they could possibly protect him. She had found an ally in the only other person who knows something of her past (albeit only the scant details) and she's also grateful for it. Foggy is a good friend to have.
Sometimes Katniss is still surprised that Matt agreed to training her. He's as stubborn as she is when he wants to be. But here they are. Katniss learning to fight with a healthy body, the objective being that she have his back once he lets her join him on a patrol. Once again, almost everything has been going better than she thought it would. She's certain that everything will fall apart sooner rather than later but for now, she's doing her best to enjoy it.
She's so caught up in stealing that kiss that Matt's tactics catch her off guard. She lands on her back with a shocked gasp, her legs still tangled in his. Katniss looks up at him, noticing that grin and those eyes of his that somehow manage to see her despite being blind. Not that she's much to see right now, with her messy braid, sports bra, and yoga pants. For a second, she considers being annoyed at him for taking advantage of her distraction. Instead, she just grins and rocks her hips against his. "That's not how I see it. It was a diversion."
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Ultimately, that's why he went ahead and told her how he felt about her: she is strong enough to handle all of it. She's been the one person that has been strong enough to handle both his lives and not fall apart with worry or leave because it was too complicated.
Matt had known that Foggy would be kind to Katniss, that he would try to get along with her and make her comfortable because Foggy does love him and he is a good friend. He hadn't realized they would become allies when he had left them alone together, but he's glad that they have each other. Foggy seems to be coping better since he's got Katniss as an ally. They're good for each other.
Some days Matt is surprised by it as well. Sometimes he thinks it's a big mistake, but she wants to help and Hell's Kitchen could use all the help it can get. Besides, it's good for them both to work out together. In any case, he's enjoying this as well.
Well, that had been his intention, but it's also fun to kiss her. She's plenty to see. He likes what she works out in. There's plenty of bare skin to slide his hands over. He knew that her being annoyed was a possibility, but he's glad that she goes with...well...working out is definitely more interesting right now. He bites the inside of his cheek against a groan. "Like the one you're in the process of trying to use against me now?"
It's a good diversion too. He's having to concentrate to keep his focus on their sparring.
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It's not like he's tried too hard to find someone that fits his qualifications lately. At least as far as she knows. Not that she minds all that much. If Matt hasn't been able to find someone until her, it has worked out in her benefit.
She had figured because Foggy loves Matt so much, he'd want someone better for Matt than someone like her. Matt had quashed that fear very early on and after, Katniss started to relax a little more around his best friend. Maybe, eventually, she'll feel comfortable enough to call him a friend. How long has it been since she's had a friend that isn't her sister?
It won't be a mistake. The worst that can come of it is that she'll die and really, she's replaceable in the grand scheme of things. At least she'll have died doing something admirable. The best that really could come from having her out there is that she will protect Matt. She'll save his life and both she and Foggy will sleep better because of it. Besides, Katniss can't remember a time when she's been in better shape. Working out with Matt has just been a bonus she hadn't expected.
The first time she had worn just the sports bra, taking off the t-shirt at some point in the workout, she had felt a little awkward. But it had been covered with sweat and getting in the way. Matt does have a way of settling her nerves. The way his hands ran up her sides had definitely helped then. And every time since.
Though he tries to hold back that groan, she catches his struggle. Katniss smiles wider and has to hold back a laugh. "What diversion?" she asks, moving her hips again. "I'm not doing anything. If I was really enacting a diversion, I'd whisper something in your ear," she continues in an innocent manner, lifting her head to whisper into his ear, "about how I can't wait to have you in my mouth tonight."
And if her diversion is successful, she'll take advantage of his lapse in concentration to twist their bodies and pin him to the ground.
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Foggy wants Matt to be happy and that's what he is now. Foggy also thinks more of Katniss than Katniss thinks of herself. Foggy will eventually get her to relax. He does that to people. It's one reason he's invaluable with clients. He's also a damn good lawyer in general. He'd like for Katniss to be friends with both Foggy and Karen. They're big parts of his life.
That worst is a big thing to him. He'd never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him and she's not as replaceable as she seems to think, not to him. He does understand wanting one's life to mean something, but he'd rather her not die in the process. He'd rather the best happen. They can both live with that. Her getting in great shape, both fighting and physical has been the point. It's been more fun than he imagined it would be to train with her.
She's got no reason to feel awkward. She never had. The point had been to be comfortable and be able to move easily. That he likes it when she works out in a sports bra is besides the point.
Yeah. She's getting to know him far too well (secretly he likes it). Of course, he also recognizes that she's holding back a laugh. He can't even disguise the gasp her words and her breath against his ear tugs out of him. He knows what she's trying to do, but the words are unexpected and visceral, evoking a reaction out of him that's instinctive. He's well aware that she probably notices that physical reaction as well.
Oh, her diversion is successful and he ends up on his back smirking. "I really hope that none of the bad guys use that sort of diversion. I don't think they'd have the same effect coming from someone else."
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A lot of people think more of Katniss than she does herself. It's been that way for as long as she can remember. Even as a kid, she had always doubted herself. She's trying to do better with that. To see herself as the woman Matt sees her as. And she's trying to put more effort into befriending his friends. At least they don't seem to mind her quietly sipping at a soda, watching their antics whenever they go to an 18+ bar she can actually get into.
And the worst that can happen if she doesn't join him out there is that Matt will get hurt and she'll never see him again. He's not replaceable either. But unlike Katniss', his death will have greater repercussions. There's no use in focusing on the negative though. Then they'll never get anywhere. They seem to make a good team when it comes to training. Hopefully it'll be like that in the real world, too.
If she's getting to know him far too well, she's certain the same can be said about how well he's been getting to know her. Katniss loves it. She's never been this close to another human being before and she's intoxicated with the intimacy. It's not just physical, no matter how much she loves his physical reactions to her. Like right now. Matt reacts exactly as she had hoped he would and she loves the surge of smugness she feels in response.
"They better not," Katniss answers with more possessiveness than she realizes. "You're mine, Matthew Murdock." She kisses him hard to prove her point. Shifting her weight to one hand, she places the other on top of his heart. "This is mine," she continues, kissing him again. She sits up and reaches behind her to place her palm on top of that reaction of his. "And that's mine. I won't share my boyfriend. Not like that."
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He sees that effort and he's so glad that she's making it. She deserves to see herself as everyone else does and his friends don't mind taking her to the bar. It helps to have someone else to corral him and Foggy when they've been drinking. Besides, they're usually at Josie's and Josie doesn't care as long as she's just drinking soda.
Focusing on the positive side of things is a good way to start. He'd rather do that than think about all the things that could go wrong.
The emotional intimacy is just as exciting as the physical intimacy in an entirely different way. It's much, much scarier too, which is part of what makes it exciting. It's also a novelty to be with someone who knows him so well physically, that's aware of his hyper senses. She's earned the right to be smug. He knows he feels smug when she reacts the way he'd wanted her too.
The possessiveness is cute, but there's also something very sexy about it. He leans up ever so slightly into those kisses, nipping at her lips with his teeth ever so slightly. She makes him catch his breath and swallow hard when she touches him like that. "You'll get no complaints from me," he tells her in a voice that's just a little husky. "I've got no desire to be shared."
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Josie, like almost everyone else that Katniss knows, seems to be sweet and welcoming. She always lets Katniss into the bar without protest. Even if she could drink legally, Katniss probably wouldn't. Not all that much anyway. Substance abuse had been prominent in the Games, not that Katniss could blame any of the children that turned to drugs or alcohol to cope. She never saw the appeal to a temporary fix. But it is fun to watch Matt and Foggy and Karen interact when they've all had a little too much. She likes seeing them all react like that.
Emotional intimacy is much more terrifying. She's been physically intimate since sixteen, with so many names and faces that she can't remember half of them any more. This is her fist time being emotionally intimate with another person. So far, it's been worth every fear. And it's made the physical aspect of their relationship all the much sweeter. He has to realize by now that it doesn't take much to get her to react to him. The right touch, the right timber of voice, the proper smile? That's all it takes.
"It's not worth it," she whispers, a hint of vulnerability slipping into her voice. She had been shared. Passed around like one of those Pokemon cards she remembers from elementary school. All the champions of the arena had been once they realized the extra money they could make. Katniss moves her hand away from him, stroking his cheek fondly instead. She should do something about his arousal but right now, she wants him to know that this is about so much more than sex to her. "But you're worth everything to me. I just want you to know that."
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Josie isn't sweet to anyone else, but Matt and Foggy have earned her sweetness and by extension their friends have earned it as well. Besides, it's likely that Josie sees Katniss as a wounded bird as well and she wants to help her fix those wings just like Matt, Karen and Fogg do. For them, alcohol isn't a fix for anything, temporary or otherwise. It's just a way to relax, a way to let off some steam from the week. He's glad that Katniss doesn't mind it.
Indeed it is. It's also what's important. As she's discovered, physical intimacy is easy and, in Matt's experience, everything turns out to be worth exactly as hard as it is. He's figured that out about her and he likes that it doesn't take much to get a reaction out of her. It makes him feel proud in some way.
He nods in agreement. "I know," he tells her in a whisper, reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear that he only sort of realizes is there. She doesn't have to do anything about his arousal. He'll survive just fine. This is about so much more than sex. He tips his head up to place a soft, gentle kiss against her mouth. "And you are to me. I love you, Katniss Everdeen."
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Matt has an effect on people that she sometimes envy. It’s the same with Foggy. There’s something about both lawyers that’s so sincere and real that even people like Katniss or Josie put aside their surly ways at the encouragement of a word or a smile. They’re possibly some of the few honest defense attorneys left in this city. People to admire. Better people to befriend. In so many ways, Katniss is still a wounded bird. She’d like to think that she’s getting better though. She’s not as wounded as she used to be. But when she’s fully ready to take flight, it won’t be very far. Hell’s Kitchen has finally become home.
She had once thought that everything had a price and if it didn’t, then it wasn’t worth her time. That had been when she had been desperate for enough money to keep her family fed and someday put Prim through school, both before and during her time in the Games. Katniss had been wrong. Loving Matt, being loved by him, is absolutely priceless. His affections are something that could never be brought and sometimes she thinks that she’s so responsive to him because her own affections are something Matt’s never tried to buy. Not like those others. Everything is a gift instead. Hard, terrifying, and on some days, something she’s certain ought to be impossible, but worth every bit of effort.
Hearing him say those words is worth every trial and hardship she’s ever gone through. Or will go through. Something inside of her melts every time Matt tells her he loves her. She leans into the hand by her ear, her eyes closed as she returns that gentle kiss. He love that he gives to her so freely and easily is by far the best gift anyone’s ever given her. She slips off of him to curl up on the floor beside him, practically half on him, her arms and head resting on his chest and a leg slipped between his. Katniss tilts her head up to press a kiss to his jaw. “I love you, too.” And though it would be so easy to bask in this contentment for a little while longer, to lazily kiss him on the floor of the boxing gym and just silently enjoy his company, Katniss knows that’s not why they’re here. “That’s why I’m going out with you tonight. I’m going to have your back, Matt, whether you want me to or not.”
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Matt wants to be that person. He's one of the people who became a lawyer for all the 'right' reasons rather than for money. He's not ready to trade that sincerity and chance to really help for security or anything else. He and Foggy had worked for a big partnership and they'd realized it wasn't for them because they were honest and because they wanted to make a difference. It would be easier if Matt wasn't a human lie detector. He wants her to fly and be independent, but he doesn't want her to fly far. He likes the life they've built together so he's glad that Hell's Kitchen has become home.
The best things are priceless or worth so much that they might as well be priceless. Matt has never had any money so maybe that's part of why he hasn't ever tried to buy her. The only thing he has to offer is himself and Katniss has been so accepting of that. She accepts the good and the bad and makes him feel like he's worth everything. She is a gift as far as he's concerned.
Perhaps, but he wishes that she hadn't had to go through that pain. He wishes that he could change the bad things for her or wipe them away. A soft, contented smile curves his mouth. He takes a deep breath, feeling her weight against him, feeling her heart thrum against his ribcage. She's warm against him and soft. He curls his arm around her, pulling her a little tighter against him. The moment doesn't last long enough, but she's right that they should get back to business. He groans at her words and takes a breath to argue with her. Instead, he ends up holding that breath a moment, holding his words. He presses his lips together, listens to her heart a moment then exhales. "Okay, but let's go back to the house. I can change and I've got a present for you."
He's had her own armored suit made for her.
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He already is that person. He's been that person for as long as Katniss has known him. Good, earnest, and honest. She doesn't ever need him to be a successful and rich lawyer to live happily with him. Their life is comfortable and that's all she really needs. Besides, she does hope to someday be able to contribute to the income. Someday, if they're still together a few years down the line. It's what she hopes. Katniss once wanted nothing more than to leave Hell's Kitchen and get back to Brooklyn. Now, she can't imagine ever leaving.
She's never been very materialistic to begin with. Those few items that meant most to her, Katniss had left with her sister before she left for the fake au pair job. And they were mostly things that had either belonged to their father or been given to her by others. She doesn't need anything but Matt himself. He's the gift, not her. Capable of loving someone as damaged as she is.
Going through all that pain has helped to make her who she is today. And even if she doesn't fully understand it, she's a woman that Matt seems to love. If changing all those bad memories or wiping them away would change something that he loves her about her, she doesn't want that. She wants him. This life and all the dangers it has in it. Katniss sighs happily when he pulls her tighter against him. Being held like this makes her feel incredibly safe. If he holds her like this tonight when they get back from patrol, she can face whatever the night has.
Her heartbeat does pick up pace as she waits for his reply, expecting an argument. But Matt's words are unexpected enough that she tilts her neck to be able to look at him. Her brow furrows in surprise and confusion and now it's Katniss' turn to press her lips together as she considers her words. "Matt, you didn't need to get me anything. I'm doing this because I want to."
Not because she wants anything from him. Well, anything aside from his love.
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That's a fortunate thing as he's probably not ever going to be rich, but he does hope to be successful, at least in the courtroom. Someday, she will contribute to their income. Matt doesn't mind that she doesn't right now. She contributes to their lives in other ways.
Maybe one of these days she'll recover some of those things that means so much to her. They're both damaged, he as much as she in different ways. They're good for each other. In many ways, they make each other less damaged, more whole.
Fair enough, and she's right. Besides, if she can live with it and accept it and be happy, so can he. Though, he doesn't know for sure that he wouldn't love her if she hadn't been through all of those things, if she were still that naive girl from Brooklyn. He will definitely hold her like this tonight when they get back from patrol because it makes him feel loved and safe as well. He hopes that the night will be calm, that it will be quiet and relatively safe.
He's been expecting this night for a while now. She's been ready for at least a week, but he hadn't wanted to push her. He'd waited for her to bring it up when she felt ready. "I know I didn't have to," he tells her. "It's armored, like mine, so it'll help keep you safe."
Because he couldn't stand it if something happened to her. He wants her as safe as possible out there.
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A wealthy life can be for other people. They can be rich in other ways: with love, with friends, with an interesting life that actually serves to help others. She's okay with all of that. Money isn't necessary to live a good life. She had learned that growing up.
There's no changing the past. It's not always easy to accept what had happened, or the things that she had done. She still hates herself a lot of the time. But she's building a good life now. Katniss is glad that holding her makes him feel loved and safe as well. she doesn't know if the night will be calm or not but regardless, she'll have him to come back home with.
"You got me a suit," she says in a breathless whisper. An armored suit like his. She doesn't know what it looks like - if it's red or black or some other color entirely - but none of that is the point. She knows how expensive they can be. <ore than that, it's another reminder about how much he wants to keep her safe. "Matt... Thank you." But words only do so much. She dips her head down to kiss him. Her forearm rests on the ground beside his head, her hand curled to twine fingers into his hair. She slips a leg between his as she moves her body back on top of his. The kiss is slow and tender, hopefully filled with every bit of love and gratitude she's currently feeling.
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He's okay with that as well. That sort of life will make him happier than a life of wealth would. He's glad that she feels the same way.
That she's moving forward is what counts. It's what matters to Matt. He doesn't know what the night will bring either, only what he hopes for. However, he does like the idea of coming home with her. He's gotten used to coming home to her and he loves that, but this is a new feeling. He thinks he could get used to it as well.
He nods a little. "Of course I did." He gets a good deal because he helps the guy stay on the right end of things. The expense wouldn't have mattered though. He wants her safe, as safe as she can be when she's doing something dangerous like this. The suit will help. The words 'you're welcome' are on his lips but then she's kissing him like that and words no longer matter. He returns the kiss with all of the emotion that she's giving him. There's a desperate edge to his kiss, but it's not desire. It's a desperation to keep her safe. When the kiss breaks, he wraps his hand around her bicep. "Come on. Let's get going before it's too late," he tells her.
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She's not so tired now. Instead, Katniss is awake and alive again. She wants to live as long a life possible. The life posed in front of her now is worthwhile. It isn't easy, but it'll be worth every second.
The Avengers work well as a team. The world has seen the difference that they can make. New York has also seen the difference that Daredevil can make. She hopes that in aiding him, Katniss can double the effort Matt's already put in to protecting Hell's Kitchen. Coming home together on a good night will just boost the feeling of a job well done. On a bad night, they'll still have each other to lean on. She can definitely get used to this switch in their lives.
This kiss isn't supposed to be about desire. It's supposed to be about love and safety and need to protect each other. Emotions instead of love. There'll be time for everything else later. She takes a deep breath after the kiss breaks and rests her forehead against his. "Back to the apartment to change, then out into Hell's Kitchen." She grasps his arm in return and, if he lets her, helps him up. Once they're both standing, she brushes a stray strand of hair from his forehead. "Thank you, Matt. For also trusting me."
Let's do the time skip!
They're tracking down a gun trafficking ring that Matt has been working on for a few nights. He's gone through the lowest rungs, making his way up toward the top dog. They're outside of an abandoned building that might have once been an office building or a small factory. They're watching from an adjacent rooftop. Matt points out the roof access. "There are a dozen men in there," he tells Katniss. "One of them is on his way up the stairs, probably to smoke. We can tag him when he comes up on the roof and make our way in, after that. If the guy we want is in there, he'll be in an office and he'll have guards," he whispers to her.
Woo time skip!
He's already filled her in on most oft he research he's done on the gun trafficking ring. She knows of all the previous work he's done and she's proud of him. She's also excited to finally be a part of this. The suit of armor he had made for her fits perfectly. It's a lot like his and yet, something meant to be all her own. while his is red, hers remains black. And there's a small bird pinned to her chest. Her hair is braided off to one side and the black mask she wears helps to obscure her face but not her vision. She feels different in the costume. Not a girl who fights for survival but a girl that fights for something more.
She's holding on tightly to her bow as he explains the current situation to her. That's the other part of the vigilante suit she loves. She can use a bow again, make use of the skills her father had taught her. So what if she's stepping on Hawkeye's toes? It's not as if the archer has the time for the city with all of his Avengers business. Her eyes narrow in on the roof that Matt points out. It's a distance away, but all the variables seem to be in the right place. "You don't have to go near him. I can get him from here."
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Through the years, he's learned that research is his friend both in the courtroom and out here. He hadn't been sure what to expect when he'd had Martin make the suit, but he'd done an excellent job with it. It's amazing the difference a costume can make. Matt understands that and he's glad it helps her feel transformed as well.
He knows that she can use a bow, but he's got no idea how good she is. He turns to her when she says he doesn't have to go near the guy on the roof. He grins a bit lopsidedly. "Be my guest. Show me how it done," he tells her in an impressed and admiring tone.
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Research might have spared her the misery of the past two years. If she had actually taken the time to look into the au pair offer, she might have known it was a fake. She could still be at home with Prim and not standing on a rooftop with Matt. But she jumps in without thinking. She almost always jumps in without thinking. But this vigilante thing, having Matt's back? This she has thought through. So far, no regrets.
Especially when he flashes her that lopsided grin. It looks good on him. Very good. And it makes her want to do right by him tonight. Katniss grins back at him, laughing lightly under her breath.
"I will," she says, pulling an arrow from her quiver and notching it on her bow. She watches as the weapons trafficker pushes open the door to the stairwell just as Matt predicted. He uses a brick to leave the door ajar and then walks away to lean against another wall. A few seconds later, the red glow of a cigarette can be seen. Katniss initially aims her arrow directly at the man's head. Her intent is to kill him, just like she had killed all those children in the Games. It's would be easy to loosen the bow. But she doesn't know what Matt would think. She shouldn't kill anymore. So she shifts her aim instead to a pile of rubble on the eave of the wall he leans against. It's a tricky shot. She has to aim in such a way as to knock down enough of the trash on top of the man's head. Slowly, Katniss exhales. And then she lets the arrow fly.
The man collapses a few seconds later and the cigarette light flickers out.
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It might have, but she's not alone in looking before she leaps. Many, many people do it without the sort of consequences that Katniss endured. She was just incredibly unlucky, but Matt will teach her to research, teach her to look before she leaps into situations like this, situations that could get her killed. He's learned through time, through his job. It's one of those things that remind him how much older he is than her. He doesn't want her to have any regrets, not about this, not about her life now.
He doesn't usually grin when he's out here, but she brings the smiles out of him.
He keeps his head tilted toward her, focusing his senses so that he hears the arrow release from her bow and whistle through the hair. He also hears it when it hits the rubble and when the rubble hits the man, knocking him out cold. That makes Matt smile. She's listened to him, remembered the conditions he laid down, but more than that, it means she respects his morals and that means so much to him because Elektra hadn't, not at all. He's so proud of her and it shows in the grin that slips across his face, entirely different from the lopsided grin of a moment ago.
"Remind me to kiss you for that after we're done," he says. "There's a a place to the left over there where we can jump across the roofs. Let's go." He wants to get in place before they come looking for this guy.
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He really doesn’t have much of a choice anymore. Being watched over is just something that he’ll have to grow accustomed to. Neither she nor Foggy want to live a life without him in it. Foggy does his best during the day, during the hours when they’re Nelson and Murdock and willing to fight on behalf of the people who’d never otherwise get representation in court. At night, it’s her turn. The suit can’t do everything. And if Katniss can help it, they won’t have need for hospitals or Claire. Especially the latter. Katniss can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable around the nurse. Especially given that Claire does tend to make it a little obvious how much she disapproves of some of Matt’s choices. And by extension, Katniss’.
There’s plenty of room in Katniss’ life for regrets. So much room. But she’s doing her best to learn from those mistakes rather than be rueful. It isn’t easy but she’s doing her best. In some ways, dating an older man helps with this learning process. She has someone to learn from instead of someone to make more mistakes with. Her luck turned around when Daredevil had rescued her. She hasn’t had any regrets. And she’d like to think that it would take a lot to develop those kind of regrets now.
It would be easy to kill again. Very easy. But she knows how Matt feels about killing. He can be extremely violent at times, near lethal, but he’s not a killer. Not like she is. It’s out of respect for him and his ideals that she ultimately chose not to kill that man. There had been another option and, luckily, that option had been a success. It’s a decision that seemed to pay off in more than one way. Katniss wants his approval. She wants him to be proud of her. And even without the promise of a kiss, she knows she succeeded in doing just that.
“Don’t think I won’t,” she promises, making certain that he can hear the grin in her voice. As soon as they’re safe at home again, she’ll be certain to remind him. How can she ever say no to a kiss? For now, though, she’ll follow his lead. And marvel a bit at how gracefully he moves across the rooftops as she does her best to keep up. “Lead the way. I’m right behind you.”
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Maybe she's right. He doesn't have it all figured out, but he has made plenty of mistakes and he knows which ones he doesn't want to make again. He doesn't want to make her choices for her, but he's happy to guide her away from some of the paths he doesn't want to travel down again. Eventually, he'd like for her to come to have the same sort of respect for life that he's got, but he knows he can't force his ideals on her. She has made him proud by choosing not to kill that man.
He hears the grin and he appreciates it. "That's one of the things I like about you," he says with a grin as he starts off , moving across the rooftop almost soundlessly. Once they reach the point he's talking about, he turns to her. "I'll jump first." He wants to be able to catch her if she falls short of the jump or to help steady her when she lands. He moves back, takes a running start and leaps across the space between the buildings easily, landing in a quiet crouch before standing and gesturing for Katniss to jump.
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It’s an understandable desire and one that Katniss wants very much, too. She’s experienced the underworld of New York, and of Hell’s Kitchen in particular, first hand. She knows how horrible it can be. His work is admirable. While Katniss had made her choices to protect her sister, he had made his to protect complete strangers. It’s a complicated life but one that she both admires and finds worthwhile. She’ll do her part to support Matt. But it feels good to be out here, capable of helping him outside of the apartment.
No one is perfect. That’s a lesson that she had learned early on in life. For all she idolizes Matt, she doesn’t expect him to be perfect either. He provides her with someone whose example she can follow. Someone who has messed up in the past and still managed to make the most of his life. Maybe even someone who can help her understand that even girls like her deserve a second chance. Respecting life, even that of these thugs, is a start to earning her new life. Making Matt proud of her is just a wonderful byproduct.
She should be terrified standing here on the roof. Terrified of going up against these men, terrified of the jump ahead. Terrified of all the unknown left still to face tonight. But she still beams at his quip. It’s a silly sort of lovesick smile that she just can’t help. As she runs after him, it lingers. By the time he’s at the edge of the building though, it’s completely gone. Though Katniss knows Matt has done jumps like this hundreds of times, the worry still spikes. Her heart still skips a beat as he crosses the space and she lets out a breath once he lands. She forces herself to take a deep breath, her heart beating rapidly, knowing full well that it’s now her turn before Matt gestures. They’ve done this in practice. She’s never fallen. Starting now would just be plain stupid. Still, she fears that she might. It’s a fear she pushes down as she runs towards the edge and leaps towards Matt. She’s not nearly as graceful as his and her landing turns into a tumble. But she lands and, although she probably should be quiet, has to laugh in relief.
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She's such a wonderful, seamless part of his life. Some days he's uncertain how he lived so long without her. It's good that she understands the need to respect life because there's little doubt that at some point Matt will question that necessity. It's inevitable when one does what he (they) do. Sometimes the justice system doesn't work and he has to beat up and turn in the same people all over again. Sometimes it seems pointless. Those are the times that he'll need her to remind him that everyone's life is important and he's got no right to play God and take life from anyone. How could he not be proud of her with how far she's come in the short time that he's known her.
It's good to be scared. It keeps one aware of the dangers surrounding them, of their own mortality. Besides, someone famous once said that courage isn't the absence of fear, it's being scared and doing the right thing anyway. He can almost hear that smile. Her entire being changes when she smiles like that, becomes lighter in a way that he can sense. He loves being able to get that reaction out of her. Jumping across spaces and between buildings is part of the job. His supernatural senses give him an advantage, but he won't ever take her where he knows she can't go. He can hear the way her heart beats faster, the way it skips that beat. He's poised to catch her, to help her if she falters or if he thinks she's not going to make the jump, but he also wants her to do it on her own so that she knows she can do it on her own. There's a proud sort of slight smile on his face when she does make the jump. Grace isn't important right now. That will come with practice and with confidence. He reaches out a hand to help her up, that slight smile growing as she laughs a little.
"They should be coming to check on this guy soon," he nods toward the unconscious man near the door. "I want to get him moved and us positioned to take out whomever comes looking for him."
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If he wonders how he lived so long without her, she wonders how she had possibly done anything to deserve this kind of love. As far as she's concerned, love is the last thing she should have now. But he had survived without her and she had somehow earned his love anyway. Accepting that is important because she knows that there'll come a day when she needs him or he needs her more than anything else in the world. She'll be there for him on the day he needs reminder of how sacred life is. She won't hesitate, even if she feels much the same way.
That quote does sound familiar. Katniss wouldn't be able to say who exactly said it but she can, at least, agree that it's a good quote to live by. It's what makes Matt so courageous. It's what she suspects some might argue make her a little courageous, too. He makes her smile easily a lot of the time. And she likes that he makes her smile now, even as she's terrified. Katniss looks up in time to notice that grin on his face, taking his hand as she stands. He's proud of her. That feels better than even making the landing.
"We should clean up the debris, too," Katniss adds in, already walking towards the man. "So they don't suspect anything?"
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She doesn't give herself enough credit, but then he's known that for a while. They'll help each other when the time comes, just as they've helped each other thus far.
It's part of the reason he finds her courageous in any case. She's doing wonderfully so far tonight. She deserves that pride and he hopes before the night is over, she'll be proud of herself.
"Good idea," he says, moving toward the man and gathering him up under the arms to drag him over behind the air conditioning unit. "We'll tag the next one as soon as he comes out of the door."
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But while she has some faith in her physical abilities, it's entirely different when it comes down to her emotional capabilities or her worthiness. Matt often more than makes up for that. He provides her the faith in who she is that she would otherwise lack. And the pride.
"Okay," she says, already cleaning up the debris while Matt moves the body. She carries the fallen bricks and rocks to the other side of the vent, out of view from the entrance. "Do you need help tying him up?"
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That'll take time and she's made so much progress already. He's happy to provide her faith. She gives him hope. It's a fair trade.
"I've got that part. Any chance you can find something to gag him with?" Matt says as he starts tying the guy's feet together. He's already got him tied firmly to some pipes.
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It is a fair trade and one Katniss would be happy to continue for the rest of her life. Hope in return for faith, and some kind of unconditional love no matter what.
"I can look," she responds, already making her way back to Matt and the unconscious guy. She keeps her eyes open for something useful to use. Next time, she should bring duck tape with the rest of her kit. But there is a lot of junk scattered around the rooftop and when she spots a ragged shirt, she picks it up to brign with her. "Will this work?"
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He really ought to learn how to bring duct tape, but he doesn't often need to gag someone. He generally just knocks them out hard enough they'll stay out for a while. He wants to make certain tonight with Katniss. He knows that things might go more slowly and he's being overly cautious. When she approaches him with the swath of torn fabric, he nods, takes it from her and ties a crude gag around the man's face before letting him slump back down and nodding.
"Two of them are coming up this time," he tells her and gestures to the sides of the door. "I'll get behind the door. You take the side it'll open on." He can judge exactly how hard to knock the guys out and he's secure in the sight of Katniss throwing them off. "We'll knock these two out then go inside."
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Knocking a guy out is an effective way of silencing them. She's not certain how long this man will remain unconscious. It was difficult to judge how hard the debris fell on him from another roof. Thankfully, the fabric does seem to do the trick. She looks over the unconscious man with a thoughtful frown. So far, so good.
"Should I smile at them when they open the door?" Katniss teases, grinning in the dark as she takes her place against the wall. Joking helps keep her nerves in check. Her heart feels as if it's beating way too fast and she knows that Matt has to be aware of that. She can do this. It's everything they've been practicing for these past few months. "Or just bat my eyelashes?"
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That's exactly why they're tying him up and gagging him.
He can't help but smirk at her teasing. "Since I'm planning on hitting him anyway, go ahead and try both," he jokes, though he's not entirely sure how he'd feel about Katniss honestly flirting with someone or someone flirting with her in return. He's got the feeling he'd want to hit the man then as well. He knows how nervous she is, can hear her heart beating too fast and it's actually a good sign. She should be a little nervous.
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It's a strange place to feel a surge of love towards Matt but that's exactly what she feels when he responds. So he'd want to hit any guy she flirted with. Does that mean he'd want to hit any guy flirting with her? It's kind of a nice feeling to know that he'd feel that jealousy so keenly and it's exactly the kind of feeling she needs to calm her nerves a little. "Maybe I'll stick to pointing an arrow at them."
Which is exactly what she does as soon as the door opens and the two men step out onto the roof.
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Maybe, but he's gotten accustomed to feeling those sort of surges of love toward her in all sorts of places. He hasn't gotten used to exactly how it feels, and he doesn't think he ever will, but he knows he'll have them. Jealousy, however, is different. He's not generally a jealous person, but he certainly feels it in regards to Katniss. Something else to confess the next time he goes to see Father Antram. "i like that option better," he tells her in a whisper moments before the door opens. He lets her point the arrow and he takes out the first guy almost before the second one realizes he's there. He certainly realizes it though when Matt hits him on the temple with the end of his stick.
"Okay. Let's go. I'm counting eight heartbeats inside. They'll be armed so be careful. If we can find a place for you to target the head guy from above, I want you to do that. You can pick off others as you need to. "
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Of everything that she's ever felt, she likes the way love feels most of all. She likes the way loving Matt makes her feel: good, whole, necessary. A part of something that's more than herself. Loved just as much in return. Katniss doesn't think that there's any reason for Matt to confess his jealousy to the priest. Personally, she likes it. In her opinion, it just confirms how much he loves her. But she doesn't understand most of what being a good Catholic boy entails, especially when Foggy jokes about happiness being dangerous to Catholics. He ought to be happy. They both should be.
Once the two men are dealt with, Katniss quietly steps into the stairwell to peer down. Though a light bulb flickers up ahead, the stairs aren't all that well-lit. She can't see anything down below. "I'll take your word," she says, squinting to see if that helps. "How far down are they?"
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There's a reason people are willing to risk such pain for love and Matt hadn't ever really realized how worth it love was. He hopes to never be subjected to pain because of Katniss' love, but he also knows that it's worth it if he is. It'd been half a joke. Jealousy is a sin, but Matt has much bigger sins to confess every week. Foggy jokes about that because guilt is an emotion that Catholics are much more comfortable with. They believe happiness is a sign that they're doing something wrong. It's a bit of an exaggeration, but holds a grain of truth.
Matt's first instinct is to break the lightbulb because he doesn't need it and it gives him an advantage, but Katniss does need it so he lets it flicker. "Two floors," he tells her then starts to creep down the stairs silently, gesturing for her to follow.
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Katniss had suspected that it could b worth the risk. Though it isn't the same kind of love, and the sort of pain that was inflicted on her differed, she did her best to survive in that arena because of the love that she felt towards her sister. Loving Matt is worth it knowing the risks involved. He's the devil of Hell's Kitchen. There's a good chance that she might lose him sooner rather than later. She doesn't care. It's flattering to know Matt thinks the same. She'll do her best to make certain he never experiences pain because of her. He has enough of that, and enough guilt, in his life. Katniss doesn't need to add to it.
"Okay," she whispers, pleased that he doesn't destroy the light bulb. Normally, she'd push him to take any advantage that he can. It would do her no good though. Katniss follows him down the stairs, careful to keep her footsteps as light as possible as she moves. Her grip on her weapon remains secure and her left hand hovers by her quiver. She has every intention of being ready in a moment's notice.
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She's probably right. As the devil of Hell's Kitchen, she probably will lose him sooner rather than later, but if it's any consolation, he doesn't want her to lose him. He's more careful now than he was before, not as reckless by half and it's because of her. He wants to come home to her every night because she's made his life something good, given him something to live for other than saving the people of this city.
He stops abruptly, hand going out to stop her as well. He gestures to the hallway going off to the right and holds up two fingers. Two guys down the hall. He nods to her, letting her take the lead. If she's quiet enough she can take out one or both of them before either of them realize what's going on.
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She nearly collides into him when he stops abruptly. There are some things that they haven't exactly practiced enough yet. His hand sticking out helps. That and her quick reactions from her days in the arena keep her from messing any of this up. She notices the two fingers and whispers "okay" low enough that only he can hear. Katniss slips in front of him, taking out an arrow and notching it. She peers down the hall, frowning when she notices that the two guys aren't standing near any debris like the man on the roof. Matt's against killing. She can't kill them. And she'll do her best not to. Katniss takes a deep breath to steady herself. She can do this. The first arrow flies by, grazing the first man's temple. One down. She pulls another arrow out and aims at the second man. "Don't move," she whispers in a silent prayer as she aims at the next man. "Please don't move."
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They'll get better and they'll know what to work on after tonight. He's not used to working with anyone either and he probably should have signaled her before he stopped. He listens to her shot, knows it hits the man's temple and leaves him alive. He hears her whisper (though he knows it's quiet enough that no one else does). He listens to the second man go down and and steps up behind Katniss, bowing his head to graze her cheek with his lips. "After this, I'm buying you ice cream."
Because clearly that's what's necessary.
He steps in front of her and continues down the hall to the next stairwell. "Four downstairs," he says. "Plus head guy we're really aiming for."
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The next time she accompanies him on one of his patrols will be easier. As will the time after that, and so on. Archery lessons as a child had taught her how practice makes perfect. Katniss won't quit because they've encountered a few hiccups this time around. Not everything's going wrong. Based on Matt's reaction to her shots, neither man died. The risk worked. "You better."
Ice cream makes life all the richer.
She follows him down the hall, careful to keep a little more distance between them this time in case he stops short again. It helps knowing that he can hear her whisper even from a distance. "What do you want to do with them?"
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Growing up, they're all told that love conquers all, which somehow leaves one to believe that love is easy. It must be if it's all powerful, right? It's only with time and experience that one begins to realize that nothing with power is easy, love included. He remembers a line from a movie 'if it were easy, it wouldn't be worth as much' and he tries to remind himself of that when anything gets hard: love, either of his jobs, life.
She's done a fantastic job of not killing anyone. He needs to see about getting her some taser style arrows or something like that. Even a crossbow with different sorts of bolts would help.. He grins at her 'threat'. "Yes, Ma'am," he whispers in return.
Always.
He hears her whisper and he responds, turning his face a bit so that she can hear him whisper in return. "Look at the men closest to the boss. Shoot one of them in his shooting arm with an arrow. He'll be wearing his gun on that hip, then hold an arrow on their boss. If I need help, shoot them in the leg. It'll slow them down enough and isn't usually fatal."
Really, these are things they need to go over some time when they're not on a mission, but Matt hadn't thought about talking her through these things because he doesn't often use weapons, or if he does they're something he picks up in the area.
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Taser arrows aren't the kind of arrows she's ever considered using before. Any kind of trick arrows, like the ones Hawkeye has, seem a little beyond her. To start off with, she wouldn't even know where to purchase them. But they would help. A lot more than these tricky shots she's currently taking. They'll have to have a talk about that. Over ice cream. Or after sex. Something like that.
It's not that hard to determine which of the men in the room is the one in charge. The way the others all seem to defer to him make it rather obvious. She watches the men that stand around him. Soon enough, her eyes fall on the man with the holster hanging off of his hip. She picks an arrow from her quiver. "Aiming," Katniss whispers as she pulls back on the string. She doesn't bother to tell him when she lets go. The man's shocked scream is signal enough.
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He'll have to talk to his guy. He's pretty sure that he can make something for her. Maybe even sedative arrows, anything to knock people out without actually killing them. Well, he knows which one he's voting for. Ice cream doesn't stand a chance.
Matt can hear the bowstring snap; he can hear the arrow slicing through the air and thudding into the man's arm. He's got just enough time to whisper 'good job' before he jumps over the railing, lands on his feet and launches into action, disarming and knocking guards unconscious. The boss raises a gun and Matt stops. "I wouldn't. I've got a lady with an arrow aimed at your head right now and she doesn't miss. Put the gun down."
There's a tense moment where the man is trying to decide what to do. He's got one body guard still conscious, but his shooting arm is messed up and he's in a lot of pain. Matt turns his head toward that guy. "Leave the arrow in. Pulling it out is going to cause a lot more damage."
The boss lowers the gun and Matt looks up. "Mockingjay, why don't you come down here with me. Keep the arrow trained on his head."
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He definitely will have to talk to his guy. If he can make anything as useful as the suit that she's wearing now, Katniss has every bit of faith that he'll make her some amazing arrows. And for treating her to such a lovely (albeit useful) gift, she'll make sure to reward him properly. Ice cream and sex. Why pick one?
Katniss barely hears him. Somewhere in the back of her mind, his compliment registers. She's too distracted watching Matt in action. Her arrow is aimed at the man exactly as told and she does her best to focus. His moves are graceful and beautiful, something she admires. But his life (both their lives) are also at stake. Her draw on the bowstring doesn't waver, even as she steps out of the shadows.
"I don't miss," she tells the boss. She smiles sweetly at the man. There's a challenge hidden in that grin, almost as if she's asking him to test her skill. From the corner of her eye, Katniss looks at Matt. "Daredevil?"