stillplaying | 19th Game [written/action]

[How long has it been since she last opened the journal not to peer at the other entries but to make one herself? It feels much longer than the couple of months that somehow managed to move by so quickly. Forever, perhaps. And yet, in that short time, so much has changed. People have left. More importantly, people have arrived. Rue, Johanna, Peeta... And none of them have yet disappeared.

Two months of knowing Peeta's so close. A trip across town to his apartment. Walking by the bakery. His memory is no longer a ghost that haunts her. Instead, he's something real. Something entirely too real. Two months and she hasn't yet figured out if she's relieved to have him back. Or if she's more frightened of losing him. There's limits to the filial magic, as she's starting to discover. And those limits worry her. Will she lose him all over again? Lose Prim or Rue or Richard or Teddy?

If there's one thing that hasn't changed in these two months, it's her growing weariness of the disappearances in Luceti. Even Sokka, Sokka who had been here for four or more years, was now gone.

Who was next?

It's a nightmare that wakes her. A nightmare of losing everyone she loves. Watching them die at the hands of lizard mutts, necks ripped out by wild dog-like creatures with the eyes of lost children, others murdered in drafts against the Third Party. She wakes with a start, skin covered in a sheen of sweat, eyes wide and frantic. Her throat is soar from screaming in her sleep and she gasps. When her senses return, she turns on a lamp and reaches for her journal.

She can't lose anyone. Not even to something like returning home. But she takes the coward's way out and she pens her thoughts rather than admit to them aloud:]

There was someone here once who asked if it was possible to bring people here from home. Has anyone ever tried the opposite? Tried to keep people here instead?

action;

[That done, she throws on a leather jacket and boots over her sleeping clothing. She can't go back to sleep. Not right now. And she can't be in here either, not wanting to disturb her housemates any more than she already might have. Her bow is slung over a shoulder with her quiver, just in case.

It's cold out there but she doesn't care. There's something comforting about being alone in the night, no longer surrounded by oppressing walls. The nightmares don't seem so bad now, away from her bed. She can almost pretend things will be okay, regardless of whatever responses she might have to her inquiry when she gets back.]

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[Out of habit, Katniss scowls at the cat as soon as their eyes meet. She'd want nothing more than to kick the dumb beast out of here and sit alone with her sister. But she won't do that to Prim. How could she ever do anything that might upset her dear sister even in the slightest?

Still, she purposely takes a seat on the other side of Prim, away from the cat, before curling her legs up into her chest.]

I didn't go hunting. [She shrugs a little.] I just needed to walk.

[ Prim would like to think someday her cat and her sister will make peace instead of an uneasy truce, but...she ignores the unspoken glaring or the moment. ]

Are you feeling better? [ Even if the answer is no, Prim has to know. ]

[She shakes her head. No matter how much she hates burdening her sister with her problems, she can't lie to the girl. Prim's helped her through so much. Been the reason to keep going before the Games, during, after. What would she do if she lost Prim from here, too? Never saw her again?

The memories of her dream still linger alongside the worries. She wishes she could turn them off somehow. But she doesn't yet know how.]

Not really.

[ She'd heard the message, at least, even if she hadn't answered, instead choosing to wait up for Katniss. Prim wasn't sure what the answer was, or could be.

But...given the choice, would she stop that? Not really. After all, Luceti was the only place she could be. If Katniss had wanted to go home, Prim would have helped her find a way - and sometimes she felt selfish, wanting her sister to stay - but if Katniss didn't want to go back...

Finding a way to stay was something she'd wanted for herself, too. ]

If it has to do with wanting, I...won't leave.

[She hugs Prim tighter upon hearing those words. The tears well up in her eyes and she hates them. Hasn't she already displayed enough weakness to her sister tonight? Must she show more?

But she pulls Prim close against her, arms holding tight as if that was all that was necessary to keep her sister safe from the evils in this world or any other. Her cheek rests against the girl's head and she closes her eyes hard enough to see spots. But it ebbs the flow of tears.

Though Prim says she might not leave, Katniss knows her sister may not have the choice some day.]

I won't either.

[ Prim hugs back, tightly. She wishes she could stop Katniss crying, stop Katniss hurting, but this isn't something Prim knows how to solve. The fact that people leave Luceti is one she knows well herself, by now. She's lost good friends. She will lose people she loves, and Prim knows it.

Katniss is the one person she couldn't do without, though. ]

It'll be a year soon. Won't it? Three months.

[A year? Already? She hadn't realized how much time had passed. Or how quickly. So much had happened in that time. That means it'll be nearly two years for her. Soon. Any day now, really.

It hasn't been an easy two years. Just the opposite, actually. So much pain and loss. But there had been good times, too. Having Prim here, knowing she'd be home to greet her each night?]

I wouldn't trade anything about that year if it means having you here.

I wouldn't, either.

[ It's so easy to say, to admit. Even though there had been times that were less than pleasant, because this was Luceti and nothing was ever perfect...even though that was so, Katniss was here. There wasn't hunger, and there was...

There was a sort of safety in weird ways, in ways they hadn't had at home. It was...it was enough.

Maybe more than enough, at least for Prim. ]

[It was far from perfect. And she knew the coming year wouldn't be easy either. But Prim was still here, she reminded herself. That's what she needed to focus on. More than anything, she had to remind herself of her sister's presence here.]

We should do something. To celebrate.

[Because there had been too much pain in their lives. Not nearly enough celebration.]

What would you like to do? We can...plant some more flowers for the garden, perhaps? By then it'll be around time to do so.

[ But that's more a Prim thing than a Katniss thing. ]

Or just spend the day together.

[It might be more of a Prim thing, but Katniss doesn't care. She can't think of anything more perfect than to spend the day with Prim, planting more flowers in the garden. Perhaps a picnic with peppermints and fruit and sandwiches with fresh bread from the bakery. Something unlike their daily fare.

She smiles and nods.]

No matter what we do, I'd be happy just spending the day with you.

I feel the same. So...we'll just take that day as it comes.

[ A picnic. Planting flowers to bloom for the rest of spring, and maybe next year.

Just being around one another. It'll be nice. ]

[Maybe more than anything she's done in an attempt to cope with the night's nightmares, it's this conversation that reassures her. It's dangerous to look forward to something here. There's no guarantee that Prim will even still be here in the weeks to come. No guarantee that Katniss will be there, either.

But she hopes they both are. Because she needs something like this. A day with her sister, with nothing else mattering.]

That's a promise.

Yes. I promise.

[ That's said solemnly, but with a smile. Despite the early hour, despite the nightmares that had woken Katniss, despite her worries. Promising to spend a day together will always, always bring a smile to Prim's face. It always has done, even when they'd had less time for things like that. ]