stillplaying | 17th Game [video]

[It had almost come as a relief when the droids had appeared on her doorstep the day after the shift ended. She hadn't wanted to see Prim. Prim, that darling sister that meant the world to her. The girl that she would have died for. Nearly had on multiple times. Prim, who she had forgotten all about during the shift. It hadn't ever been that bad when Peeta had been here. The Malnosso had been kind in that regard, always let them know each other in some form. Would it have been so much to ask to keep Prim her sister regardless?

Apparently.

It would be easy to say she deserved that. Deserved to experience love again - real love like she had had with Peeta - only to discover that it had been as imaginary as her last relationship. Jim didn't love her. She didn't love him. The whole idea of an engagement had been a lie. Everything had been fake. Nothing real. Maybe, maybe under other circumstances, it would have been easier to accept. If matters hadn't ended with Sokka the way they had, if those wounds hadn't still been so raw, maybe...

There had been no argument when the droids appeared. Going meant avoiding those encounters. Meant not admitting she had forgotten her sister or an awkward discussion with Jim. It meant maybe trying to find Effie, make certain that she was alright. It was the closest thing short to going on a mission that she could get to leaving Luceti.

Prim would be alright. She'd have Richard and Teddy. People who hadn't forgotten her the way Katniss had.

But time with the Malnosso came to an end all too soon. And as she stared at the familiar walls of the painted room, the trees of her beloved forests outside of District 12, she felt almost tempted to run away. Go on one of those missions. Not have to see anyone here. Pick up the pieces of the mess she had made her life before the last shift. Or the mess that had come as a result.

She had never been good at running away though. Not even when they should have before the Quarter Quell, before Panem went insane. Damn it. Damn, damn, damn.

Sighing, Katniss picked up the journal and turned on the device. She brushed a stray strand from the braid out of her face and quirked her lips a little to the right. It would be better this way, announcing her return through the journal rather than being brave enough to seek them out.]

For anyone who might care, I'm back.

[Dare she even ask what more she might have missed?]

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[One-time free offer. Nothing was free in life. It would be utterly naive of her to think otherwise. Even this offer, coming from a woman who had once been her mother, left her with suspicion. She didn't know this woman. Not the real woman.

The answer was easy.]

No.

Suit yourself.

[There's a shrug in her tone. Anya wasn't sure what sort of help she'd give her, anyway. She just felt oddly compelled to make the offer, since she didn't exactly have free advice on hand this time.]

[If it had been anyone else making the offer, Katniss would have closed the journal. Ended the conversation and not looked back. But the memories still lingered. And the emotions.

She hadn't had a mother, a real mother she could have a real relationship with, in so long.]

Thank you. [The words don't come easy. But she speaks them anyway.] I- I appreciate the offer.

[Except Anya was far from being a mother. Sure, she had the world experience of her demon-years, but that still made for barely a half-dozen years as a born-again human. It was likely that she and Katniss were very close in age in that regard.

Yet even then she does feel older in regard to her. Maybe like a big sister. In a weird, twisted way. Anya never had family.]

I'm glad you appreciated it. I don't make them often. [So maybe she was even gladder that it wasn't taken. If she hadn't sensed those lingering memories, she would have been gone from the conversation long ago, herself.]

I wouldn't make them at all.

[She says the words simply. Making blank offers of favors, offers anyone could fill in with almost anything they wanted. It was too risky. To owe people like that. To owe them anything even to begin with. She hated that. In her opinion, it was one of the worst feelings in the world.]

Even if it might in debt them to me. It's not a chance worth taking.

You have a point.

[Except it was an offer made, from the semblance of there having once been a connection, as fake as it had ultimately had been.

Ironically, it reminded her more of her demon days. A past full of granting wishes, which led to an even greater downward spiral the second time around.

Even now, when she liked to say she wanted money in return for her favors, here in moneyless Luceti, there really were few other ways to truly barter without a well-rounded skillset.

But the offer was honestly made, and for free above all, not out of want for repayment but to ease this strangeness. Perhaps it would continue, then; much like their strange mother and child relationship.]

[She smiles a little awkwardly even if the camera doesn't pick it up. But it can be heard in her voice when she does reply. A little bit of relief that Anya didn't think her strange for her response. She hadn't asked to make new connections, not when she had previously tried so hard to push the pre-existing ones away.

But it wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it?]

Thanks.

You're welcome. I'll leave you to feel better, now.

17th Game [video]

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