stillplaying | 17th Game [video]

[It had almost come as a relief when the droids had appeared on her doorstep the day after the shift ended. She hadn't wanted to see Prim. Prim, that darling sister that meant the world to her. The girl that she would have died for. Nearly had on multiple times. Prim, who she had forgotten all about during the shift. It hadn't ever been that bad when Peeta had been here. The Malnosso had been kind in that regard, always let them know each other in some form. Would it have been so much to ask to keep Prim her sister regardless?

Apparently.

It would be easy to say she deserved that. Deserved to experience love again - real love like she had had with Peeta - only to discover that it had been as imaginary as her last relationship. Jim didn't love her. She didn't love him. The whole idea of an engagement had been a lie. Everything had been fake. Nothing real. Maybe, maybe under other circumstances, it would have been easier to accept. If matters hadn't ended with Sokka the way they had, if those wounds hadn't still been so raw, maybe...

There had been no argument when the droids appeared. Going meant avoiding those encounters. Meant not admitting she had forgotten her sister or an awkward discussion with Jim. It meant maybe trying to find Effie, make certain that she was alright. It was the closest thing short to going on a mission that she could get to leaving Luceti.

Prim would be alright. She'd have Richard and Teddy. People who hadn't forgotten her the way Katniss had.

But time with the Malnosso came to an end all too soon. And as she stared at the familiar walls of the painted room, the trees of her beloved forests outside of District 12, she felt almost tempted to run away. Go on one of those missions. Not have to see anyone here. Pick up the pieces of the mess she had made her life before the last shift. Or the mess that had come as a result.

She had never been good at running away though. Not even when they should have before the Quarter Quell, before Panem went insane. Damn it. Damn, damn, damn.

Sighing, Katniss picked up the journal and turned on the device. She brushed a stray strand from the braid out of her face and quirked her lips a little to the right. It would be better this way, announcing her return through the journal rather than being brave enough to seek them out.]

For anyone who might care, I'm back.

[Dare she even ask what more she might have missed?]

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[She had enough visible scars on her body. Nearly two years later and evidence of the skin grafts and burn scars still remained on her body. Evidence of her sister's death; Katniss' own inability to protect her as she had promised. At least the majority of the scars she had taken on here in Luceti had been internal. Invisible to all those around her. Or, at least, would be if she didn't continuously give in to her own self-loathing and self-despair.

Being away hadn't made it any better. It only put off the inevitable. Facing people she probably owed apologies to, explanations for that damned shift. Couldn't they just forget? Not say a word regarding everything that had happened? Matters that were completely out of their control.

Considering their last conversation, the one before the shift, Katniss wouldn't have considered talking to Nel again. It hadn't exactly gone very well. So she blinked in surprise at hearing the voice, seeing the face of someone who had been family not very long ago.]

Thank you. I- [Should apologize. Didn't know how.] It's good to see you, too.

[Before coming to Luceti, Nel could count the people she'd let hug her on one hand and the people she'd hugged on her own on one finger. So, the shift had forced her outside of her own comfort zone. Now, she was trying to reach out to the girl that her "other" self had been so attached to.]

I...This is fairly awkward for us, I suppose. Neither of us are the type of person to be very...tactile, from what I've gathered.

[Katniss could be tactile at times. With certain people and in certain situations. She never hesitated to hug Prim. Being able to cuddle up to Peeta had been such an important part of their relationship to her. The comfort provided by those touches. Similar yet far more than what she had experienced with Gale. But when it came to those she barely knew, Katniss did her best to stay to herself.

Nel counted under that category prior to the shift. Now, Katniss wasn't so certain where the woman stood.

Which was part of the reason she responded with a quiet nod. What could she say? It wasn't tactile so much for her as trust. Being open with others. She never exactly understood how it came so easy to others.

[Nel is of the same class, to be honest. Her father was a spy before his death. Her mother was dead before she could remember her face. When she was old enough, she went into the intelligence division and was soon the youngest person to hold the position as head of said division, taking orders from only her queen and her best friend, Clair Lasbard, who was the head of the Runology corps.

So, trust wasn't easy to earn from Nel, but as she grew older she tried to correct the mistakes of her youth that left her seeming so cold and distant to others. Which was why she'd reached out to Katniss that one time before the shift occurred.]

The easiest thing to do would be to act as if our being related for that short period of time never happened. However, my father once told me that just because something is easy doesn't always make it right.

[It would be the easiest thing to do. It'd be the thing that made the most sense. The circumstances had been out of their control. They had been pieces in a game to the Malnosso, not all that different to how the Capitol treated their Tributes. That was the sort of thinking that made it easier to be on good terms with Clove. What had happened in the Arena, they way they had fought each other? It hadn't been their fault. Not really. If circumstances had been remotely different, they never would have tried to kill each other.

Not for something as ridiculous as entertainment for the Capitol.]

It wasn't our choice. None of that was.

No, you're right. It wasn't our choice, but what happens from here on is. But I will leave it up to you, Katniss. If you ever wish to speak to someone, I wouldn't turn you away, but I won't force my presence on you either.

[The words earn a small, faint grin. What Nel described is something she could live with. The sort of compromise that doesn't require her to form any sort of relationship right away. But doesn't completely ignore the bond they shared as aunt and niece during the shift. She's not good at talking. Nor is she all that good at asking for advice.

But maybe. Someday. She won't forget this offer.]

Thank you.

[She knows better than to push the issue and getting Katniss to go this far is a victory in and of itself. But, she has one last thing to say.]

Also, if you're ever interested in someone to train against, I wouldn't mind the workout.

[Her head tilted a little to the side. Training? The word brings a certain connotation to mind. Memories of the Hunger Games. Of training alongside other tributes in the Capitol gymnasium. Of working with Peeta and Haymitch back in District 12, shortly after the Quarter Quell had been announced.

Memories, connotations that all leave a sour taste in her mouth. What kind of training is possibly needed here?]

What are you training for?

Back on my own...planet [And how this feels so strange to her.] I am the head of the Queen's Intelligence Division. In other words, I am a spy. A very good spy, to be quite honest.

And I don't intend for my skills to dull while I am here.

[She had never been a spy. But she had been a soldier, both willing and not. She had been an assassin. And she had been good at both. Damn good.

But none of that had been important to her. Not in the way hunting was. She had no desire to retain those skills. Nothing beyond her ability to shoot accurately and precisely with her bow.]

I hunt. It's not the same.

No, it's not the same, but you still have a set of skills that you shouldn't let dull while here. And any hunter can defend him or herself if the need arises, right?

[She nods, silent for a moment as she remembers Gale's words before the first Hunger Games. How there couldn't be much of a difference between hunting game and hunting humans. She can act in defense when the need arises. And act in offense.

But she's not all that fond of it.

She considers something else before finally responding.] Would you ever want to go hunt?

If you'd like the company, yes. Not that I think you need the help.

[Nel has confidence that Katniss will make her own sort of peace with everything and can see that the girl needs some time to mull it over now that she has control over her life once more. Well, as much as they had before they had their lives turned into complete and total lies.]

Contact me if you're interested.

[With a quick wave, Nel shuts the journal. Prolonging the conversation with Katniss would be pointless at this time.]

17th Game [video]

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