17th Game [video]

[stillplaying]

[It had almost come as a relief when the droids had appeared on her doorstep the day after the shift ended. She hadn't wanted to see Prim. Prim, that darling sister that meant the world to her. The girl that she would have died for. Nearly had on multiple times. Prim, who she had forgotten all about during the shift. It hadn't ever been that bad when Peeta had been here. The Malnosso had been kind in that regard, always let them know each other in some form. Would it have been so much to ask to keep Prim her sister regardless?

Apparently.

It would be easy to say she deserved that. Deserved to experience love again - real love like she had had with Peeta - only to discover that it had been as imaginary as her last relationship. Jim didn't love her. She didn't love him. The whole idea of an engagement had been a lie. Everything had been fake. Nothing real. Maybe, maybe under other circumstances, it would have been easier to accept. If matters hadn't ended with Sokka the way they had, if those wounds hadn't still been so raw, maybe...

There had been no argument when the droids appeared. Going meant avoiding those encounters. Meant not admitting she had forgotten her sister or an awkward discussion with Jim. It meant maybe trying to find Effie, make certain that she was alright. It was the closest thing short to going on a mission that she could get to leaving Luceti.

Prim would be alright. She'd have Richard and Teddy. People who hadn't forgotten her the way Katniss had.

But time with the Malnosso came to an end all too soon. And as she stared at the familiar walls of the painted room, the trees of her beloved forests outside of District 12, she felt almost tempted to run away. Go on one of those missions. Not have to see anyone here. Pick up the pieces of the mess she had made her life before the last shift. Or the mess that had come as a result.

She had never been good at running away though. Not even when they should have before the Quarter Quell, before Panem went insane. Damn it. Damn, damn, damn.

Sighing, Katniss picked up the journal and turned on the device. She brushed a stray strand from the braid out of her face and quirked her lips a little to the right. It would be better this way, announcing her return through the journal rather than being brave enough to seek them out.]

For anyone who might care, I'm back.

[Dare she even ask what more she might have missed?]

Comments

VOICE/filtered

[trinkett]

Effie has to block that video call. She can't let Katniss see her scarred-up face. She hasn't put her MAKEUP on.

She needs her MAKEUP to cover the SCAR on her face, because it will not do at all and she's late to the market and everything's going to wrack and ruin.

"Richard's socks are drying on the railing."

Apparently that was a way around the subject of WE WERE BOTH GONE FOR A WHILE and into the more comfortable realm of roommate complaints. It's easy to sound sour about Richard Sharpe. It's almost impossible to tell him or others how ashamed she feels about the debt she owes him. How much he has done for her.

VIDEO ON THIS END/filtered

[stillplaying]

She didn't question it much, why Effie chose to stick with the voice recording rather than switch to the video feed Katniss had established. Didn't really care one way or another. Let Effie observe what she wanted. So much of Katniss' life prior to arriving in Luceti had been recorded, watched by the general public. Why should conversations be any different?

But it's the statement that does cause question. Her brows knit together as she considers those words. Why, why would Effie care even in the slightest what Richard did with his socks? She didn't live here anymore. She had made her choice.

A choice Katniss certainly considered for the best.

"So?"

GOTCHA -- still voice, still filtered

[inyourfavor]

So? What kind of response was that to a socks-related matter?

"I think he does it just to get to me," she replied in her six-pack-a-day smoker voice. "Are you alright?"

[stillplaying]

Why? Why would it get to her? Katniss almost wanted to scream those words aloud. Since she had returned to the house, she hadn't left the room that was once hers. Had practically locked herself inside with the journal and a blanket, not wanting to face anyone. Anything. Any sign that indicated Effie's return had gone unnoticed.

"I'm fine." She blinked at the abrupt change in conversation. She shouldn't have bothered answering. Should have gone straight with what she said next. "Are you?"

[happyhungergames]

Great. They're in the same house journal-talking and trying to hide things from each other.

"I believe I am allergic to calico asters. Have you seen the calico asters? They're climbing all over the wall in the back. My throat is quite scratchy."

Where is her makeup case? Did Richard Sharpe need to hide EVERYTHING she OWNED?!

"And those golden ones that got into Richard's garden. I'm sneezing everywhere. It's horrid."

[stillplaying]

She had seen the asters. Seen the progress Richard had made on the extra room and on the garden. Things were thriving without her here. It had almost been enough to make her want to stay away for good. Without her around, no one could use those she loved against her. It was a tempting proposition.

But Effie's comment made her pause. Once again, she was complaining about Richard. About matters in this house. "But you don't live here anymore."

[trinkett]

"It's just for now. Just until Jack comes back..." And misgivings about his return were scaring her more than she'd ever care to admit.

[stillplaying]

Jack was gone. She hadn't realized that. Nor had she thought that Effie would move back in once Jack wasn't around again. Should she be annoyed? Pleased that Effie might just consider this house a home?

She didn't know. She also didn't feel like thinking that hard.

"Oh."

[trinkett]

It was more of a home than anywhere else in Luceti.

Brusquely: "Richard has spoken to me about my decorating." That was an unspoken promise not to meddle with the house any further.

[stillplaying]

That, at least, made her smile a little. Made her wish she had been here when Effie had moved back in. Just to see the reaction on Richard's face. She doubted he had been pleased.

Far from, in fact.

"What did he say?"

[trinkett]

"In short? Not to do it anymore." The rough language she was accustomed to hearing from Sharpe wasn't something she cared to repeat for Katniss.

[stillplaying]

It shouldn't have surprised her. No part of this conversation should have. She had lived with the two of them long enough to know better. And yet? She found herself reveling in this whole conversation, as if it was something entirely new to her.

"Are you going to listen?"

[trinkett]

"Do I have a choice?"

[stillplaying]

She wants to say no. That this is her house. Her rules. But ever since Effie made herself at home here, she hasn't been able to find the words to say so.

She just shrugs. It's up to Effie and Richard to figure this out between the two of them.

[onlyeffie]

"I'm glad you're back. I think Richard is mightily relieved as well. Did they puppet you?"

It was a cautious, tense question.

[stillplaying]

"Puppet?"

She held a lot of meeting in that one word. Did she mean control? Manipulate her as in the shifts? Use her as more of a game piece than usual? Act like the Capitol, like President Snow and President Coin? Or did she mean something else entirely?

And it made her wonder, not for the first time, what it was that Effie had gone through when she had been taken by the Malnosso.

[onlyeffie]

"String you up. In the Room." But even as she fleshed out the question, Effie was fairly certain that Katniss's answer would be no.

And somehow that made her feel more lonesome and isolated than ever.

[stillplaying]

She shook her head, forgetting for a moment that they spoke through the journals and not in person. Effie couldn't see her action if Katniss didn't hold the journal up right. But her mind was elsewhere. Remembering the three scared and huddled beings she had found in the prison levels of District 13. Her prep team hadn't taken to being held captive all that well. It was easy to guess that Effie couldn't suffer any sort of indignity, either.

"I don't remember what they did."

That much, at least, was true.

[trinkett]

"How have you managed to forget?" Maybe Katniss was drinking?

Effie felt surprisingly emotionless at that possibility.

[stillplaying]

She had considered drinking once. Briefly. After Peeta had disappeared. It would have been so easy to find relief at the bottom of a bottle, much like Haymitch had. But the sickness that had come to her the one time she had drunk far, far too much of the hard white liquor was a constant reminder why she'd never drink again.

She shifted uncomfortably in the bed. It'd be easier not to think about this. Because it bothered her, this gap in her memory.

"I didn't. I didn't manage that."

They had just taken the memories from her.

[inyourfavor]

"I don't understand!" Loads of impatience that she had til now restrained erupted. "Tell me how I might do the same!"

[stillplaying]

"I don't know."

She doesn't mean to snap at the woman. She can't even begin to understand what it is that Effie must have gone through. She remembers how hard it had been for her prep team to adjust to life in District 13. But beyond the one punishment, being locked in that small room after Octavia had stolen the extra bread, they hadn't had to undergo anything horrible.

Not like Effie must have.

[trinkett]

Effie quiets. Right. Why is she forcing Katniss? Katniss Everdeen might have been something special to the gamemakers and sponsors -- there had been so much BUZZ about her! -- but she was still just a girl. And just as much a stranger here as Effie was.

"..I'm sorry. I'll find another way."

[stillplaying]

She more than understands wanting to forget. Hadn't she been so utterly desperate to rid herself of those memories of time spent here with Peeta once? Either lose them entirely or go home to him. She would have happily taken either option.

She received neither. The odds just hadn't been in her favor. And she wondered, for a moment, if they'd be in Effie's.

"I don't know if there are other ways."

[trinkett]

"Katniss! We never think negatively about solutions to problems! We always keep our heads up and our hearts happy!"