stillplaying | 17th Game [video]

[It had almost come as a relief when the droids had appeared on her doorstep the day after the shift ended. She hadn't wanted to see Prim. Prim, that darling sister that meant the world to her. The girl that she would have died for. Nearly had on multiple times. Prim, who she had forgotten all about during the shift. It hadn't ever been that bad when Peeta had been here. The Malnosso had been kind in that regard, always let them know each other in some form. Would it have been so much to ask to keep Prim her sister regardless?

Apparently.

It would be easy to say she deserved that. Deserved to experience love again - real love like she had had with Peeta - only to discover that it had been as imaginary as her last relationship. Jim didn't love her. She didn't love him. The whole idea of an engagement had been a lie. Everything had been fake. Nothing real. Maybe, maybe under other circumstances, it would have been easier to accept. If matters hadn't ended with Sokka the way they had, if those wounds hadn't still been so raw, maybe...

There had been no argument when the droids appeared. Going meant avoiding those encounters. Meant not admitting she had forgotten her sister or an awkward discussion with Jim. It meant maybe trying to find Effie, make certain that she was alright. It was the closest thing short to going on a mission that she could get to leaving Luceti.

Prim would be alright. She'd have Richard and Teddy. People who hadn't forgotten her the way Katniss had.

But time with the Malnosso came to an end all too soon. And as she stared at the familiar walls of the painted room, the trees of her beloved forests outside of District 12, she felt almost tempted to run away. Go on one of those missions. Not have to see anyone here. Pick up the pieces of the mess she had made her life before the last shift. Or the mess that had come as a result.

She had never been good at running away though. Not even when they should have before the Quarter Quell, before Panem went insane. Damn it. Damn, damn, damn.

Sighing, Katniss picked up the journal and turned on the device. She brushed a stray strand from the braid out of her face and quirked her lips a little to the right. It would be better this way, announcing her return through the journal rather than being brave enough to seek them out.]

For anyone who might care, I'm back.

[Dare she even ask what more she might have missed?]

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...So you did come back.

[A mission with Sokka helped her get over a lot, but she still felt some bitterness towards Katniss.]

[Their prior conversations hadn't gone well. It hadn't been such a loss to her. The girl had treated her with the disdain that Katniss believed she deserved then. Still believed, to a degree. No time spent away had changed her thoughts on that. On actions taken both in Panem and Luceti. The litany of mistakes she had made in her life.

But the voice was more civil than she expected to hear. Not that she expected to hear anything in the slightest from Suki.

Quietly,]

I couldn't leave Prim here alone.

You have no choice in the matter, really.

[A blunt, and harsh reply, but Suki felt that Katniss deserved it. She was still hurt by everything. The hate for the other girl died down, but she was still hurt... really hurt. It felt like Katniss was just trying to make a fool out of her, and that's what hurt the most.]

[Katniss swallowed hard. Did the other girl really think that she didn't know that? That, ultimately, she had absolutely no choice in the ending of her life here? No choice in who came and went from that life? She'd never ever be anything more than a piece in their games. From the President Snow to President Coin. Now the Malnosso. It didn't matter.

And maybe it wasn't anything more than what she deserved. But being reminded of that hurt. She had lost Peeta, had him taken from her. It was only a matter of time before she lost Prim, too.

It made it hard to remain positive more often than not.]

I know. But until then, I'll do everything I can to protect her.

We'll see how well you do with that.

[Because she believes Katniss is too self-centered to truly care.]

Try not to get distracted. [AKA by getting with some guy.]

[She hadn't done such a good job at home. Despite everything, despite volunteering for the Hunger Games and fighting in the uprising and insisting her sister stay out of harm's way, her efforts had been in vain. And it had been her fault. No thirteen year old medic should have been allowed to serve in the front lines.

She knew who was responsible for that. And she had killed the only woman capable of signing off on the order.]

I won't.

Good. Hopefully you have someone watching over you to make sure you don't screw up.

[Why did she care? Suki didn't know Prim. At least, as far as Katniss knew, the two girls didn't know each other. Nor did she have any siblings of her own that Katniss was aware of. She didn't know the pain of losing a sister. Of not being allowed to die along with that sister. Having to live and make something of her own life without her.

A lot of the time, she wasn't all that fond of Luceti. That her sister was here with her was a blessing she never expected.]

Don't worry. [Said bitterly. Very bitterly.] I do.

[Suki didn't say anything for awhile. She just sat there and let the silence grow. Honestly, she didn't know what else to say.

There was a voice telling her to give Katniss a chance, but she couldn't. She was still so hurt and felt like Katniss played her like a fool.]

Good... [Was her only reply, seeing how she couldn't answer any other way. And she wasn't looking for Katniss to answer.

Suki gave it her all in this conversation and she was just kinda... done.]

17th Game [video]

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